PAULA AND THE GENERAL

By Jerome Kessler

According to her own PR, Paula was "embedded with the General”. Right away, protocol-wise, it sounds like Paula ignored the Chain of Command, by messing with the General's Privates.

So, let me be sure I have this straight: Paula does her undercover work with Gen. David. Then she thinks Jill is the "Other Woman". Since Paula is already the "Other Woman", that would make Jill the "Other Other Woman". Of course, Paula's wrong, proving that her intelligence is really just artificial. Paula e-mails Jill: "Leave my man alone". "Jill says, "Say what?" Of course Jill has a perfect defense: Besides being a Social Liaison -- whatever that means, besides "I before A, except after sex" -- Jill's too busy playing e-footsie with Gen. John to be at Gen. David's elbow or other vital organs. Jill contacts the local FBI-guy, who checks out the e-mails, then sends Jill a topless picture of himself. (I guess that's Standard Operating Procedure. Don't we do that with all our new clients?) The FBI-guy puts one and one together, puts Paula and Gen. David together, and starts to put Jill and Gen. John together. Meanwhile, Jill's evil twin, Natalie, can't put her marriage back together, but we don't know who her husband has been e-mailing. Now, Gen. John is unemployed and sleeping on the couch in the doghouse. Holly is raising holy Hell. Doctor Broadwell isn't partying, and Doctor Kelley isn't talking.

The political implications have yet to be fully explored. So far, this much we know: The head of the RNC is bummed that the FBI didn't tell the HASC about the e-mails sooner, saying, "If we knew then what we know now, we coulda won Florida!" Meanwhile, Nancy P. is staying on as House Minority Leader, so she can find out how this all turns out, saying, "I haven't had such a good read since the John & Rielle thingy".

The moral is clear: Whatever you do, don't. Also, if they offer you the job as head of the CIA, turn it down!