HOW TO CONDUCT AN OYSTER SHOOT

By Jerome Kessler

Select a Sealy, Simmons, Serta or similarly sibilantly surnamed oyster bed.

Drop a depth charge into said bed.

When the oysters fly up therefrom, shoot them with a single-action shotgun (or, in Blue states, with a frisbee). Note: Selection of a double-action weapon or an AK-47 is deemed to be unsportsmanlike, except in states located along the Mississippi River.

Collect your catch, then fry away, fry away, fry away home.

Recommended preparation: use olive oil. Any will do. We haven’t seen an extra virgin in California in years.

(Later, when asked how you managed to prepare such a delicious dish, simply say, “Shucks, it was nothing”.)