BACCHAE

By Jerome Kessler

I recently came across some of my old college notes, and brushed up on Euripides.

Our instructor, Prof. Hades, was famous for being totally bald. He always wore a black wool coat, and was often mistaken for a bald eagle.

Bacchae was an early comedy. The Bacchae were so named for the eyes on the rear of their heads; hence, “Back-Eye”. Unlike seers, they didn’t predict the future. Rather, they were possessed of hind-sight. They were great at telling you what you should have done.

Euripides invented the Greek Chorus. Due to a typo in our Cliff Notes, we thought it was the Geek Chorus, which invented the first computer, or abacus.

The members of the Greek Chorus were all castrati. They could only sing one note,“Oyyyy”, and wring their hands. They rang their hands because they had no bells, which weren’t invented until the Bronze Age.

I was having trouble recalling more of Prof. Hades’ course until I remembered that his name was Moses Hadas, and I never took his class, which conflicted with lunch. That’s why, when it comes to Aegean antiquities, it’s all Greek to me.

9/1/2018